Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
