so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
