Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
