As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
