We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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