I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
