Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
