first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize