i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You can't motorboat a personality
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
