Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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