I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
