Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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