we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
