love makes seman taste better
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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