i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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