So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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