You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
