I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize