make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
