About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
