I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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