you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
