We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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