I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love having hate sex.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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