She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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