I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
