We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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