you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
