yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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