i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
