I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize