Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
