I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
