Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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