here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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