So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
