dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
