yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
