I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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