Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
