3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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