i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
