maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
