just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
