Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
