Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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