Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
