Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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