I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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