Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I want you more than these girls want KFC
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize