the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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