Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want to make out with him forever
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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