but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
