I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
