I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize