Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
