You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize