I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
