he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
