I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
