Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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