I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
