Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
