i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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