my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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