I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
