So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
