I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
