he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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