Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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