I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
