just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You pole danced in your parka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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