He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
40s are totally the cure
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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